I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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