I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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