i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
