She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
