just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
