did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
