her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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