Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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