Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
