Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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