Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
