Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
