apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
