first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize