what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
