wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
