Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
