Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
