OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
