he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
