I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
