Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
