Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
