Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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