was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
