ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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