I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
try to milk me bitch
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