you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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