neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
