Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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