I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
