woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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