I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
