Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
