Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
