areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
