Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
