I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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