I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
