Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
