I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
