Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
