shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're like the curious george of whores
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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