i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
