Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
