I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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