Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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