is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
