I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
