I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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