it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
