Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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