you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I would ride that face into the sunset
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
