What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
