That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
