I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize