Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
