When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
