my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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