This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
Iāve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! Iām basically unstoppable
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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