Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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