yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
