I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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