..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
