I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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