I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
