Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
