I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
