The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he fucked my hip out of place.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
